Recognize, if necessary, the gravity of the situation
Handling a conflict with a co-worker
Work carries with it expectations and hopes; it is a realm where values
clash, and it exposes us sometimes to dissatisfaction, disappointment,
even anger... becoming in this way a realm of conflict.
A realm of constant movement in which the manager must nonetheless find a
way to orient himself, at least temporarily.
Compare
Remember
Playing down the situation is rarely wise; nothing's worse than
"it's not a big deal." Actually, if things are close to a point of no
return, it is better to formulate this clearly. Not to
aggravate the situation, but on the contrary to show that you
accept the fact of having "reached that point" and that this awareness
will allow things to move forward.
It is often necessary as well to recognize one's own measure of responsibility (not having intervened earlier, having acted clumsily...)
It is often necessary as well to recognize one's own measure of responsibility (not having intervened earlier, having acted clumsily...)
Show that you are ready to hear grievances
Showing that you are ready implies that you truly are ready!
Hearing grievances is a phase which is unavoidable but emotionally
disagreeable for it means pushing on uncomfortable questions,
and really hearing the responses without interrupting or
offering justifications, let alone counter-arguing. Hearing - truly - is
the first step to a mutual cooling off: if the other
perceives that he is heard, there is no more need for conflict.
Exchange views on the issues under conflict
Proposing a solution too quickly is a common error: we wish to
resolve the problem, even to the point of silencing opposition. It is
more constructive to envision with the co-worker different
possible outcomes to the conflict: what does he see happening
next? With what aim? What does he think of your positions and
propositions? ... Finally, what is your common interest?
Evaluation
Each question has only one correct response, but be careful: among the possible responses there is one that is "almost correct" and might make the choice harder!
1 / 3
Communication stalemate
For the last few days, you have
been in conflict with Jules: you refused his request for a day off which
coincided with an important team meeting that had been planned 2 months earlier.
He doesn't say hello anymore and answers your questions simply by yes/no. What do you do ?
You count on time and wait for
him to return to his natural self. ⚠
Not a good idea if the
situation has already lasted several days. Time is not always an ally.
You say to him:"I find it
regrettable that since I refused your day off, there has been tension between
us. How do you see the situation?" ✓
Yes, you open up a dialogue:
clearly present the situation without accusation or irritation, and then listen
to his point of view.
You take it with a pinch of humour:
"you have become really sulky lately!" ⚠
Risky. There is little chance
your light tone will ease the tension.
I understand you may be upset,
but sulking won't solve anything. ⚠
Pointless giving him a lesson!
It would be better to talk clearly about the problem.
2 / 3
Frosty reception
Sylvie, had hopes of obtaining
the manager's position which has been offered to you. Right from the first
meeting, she confronts you "In any case, we know that cronyism can work
miracles here!" What do you do?
You consider that the team
meeting is not the place for this type of attack and prefer to ignore it. ⚠
Risky. The team may think that
you accept these remarks and/or that you are not capable of dealing with them.
You reply to Sylvie:"I am
not here because of cronyism but because I have the necessary skills". ⚠
Argumentative response which
could be seen as defensive and Sylvie will seise the opportunity to argue back.
You answer, firstly addressing
Sylvie and then all the team members: "So, you don't see me as a
legitimate person for this position?" ✓
Yes, clearly formulating what has
been implied shows that the subject doesn't intimidate you and that you are
ready for the discussion.
Thank you for your warm welcome! ⚠
Not sure using humour is the
best solution in this particular case.
3 / 3
Straight to the point
Mathieu made a very unpleasant
and incomprehensible remark towards you, in front of the entire team. You
initiate a one-to-one with him. What do you say ?
I really didn't appreciate
what you said to me in front of the whole team. ⚠
It would also be useful to
understand the meaning of his remark.
Why did you confront me in
front of the whole team? ⚠
Mathieu will probably say that
he didn't confront you.
Your remark in front of the
whole team surprised me. What exactly did you want to say? ✓
Yes your approach is open,
without accusation. You should then suggest that Mathieu address his remarks
directly to you.
Your score is
0/3
You finished!
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