Hunt out our useless repetitions
To say a thing 1 time, 2 times, 3 times without observing any
effect - this is something that should draw our attention. Tireless
repetition has little chance of producing the desired effect:
why should things change if I myself change nothing? On the
contrary, ineffective repetition tends to entrench us in a relational
inertia: if I don't move, the other has no reason to move.
Think about the interaction, not about the other or others
It is tempting, when we don't get what we want, to think: "he
doesn't want to", "they resist change", "he doesn't understand
anything", "he is slow"... Tempting but not very productive
because the view placed upon the other or others whom we find
problematic only serves to reinforce a dynamic which is the opposite of
what we want! It is better to think about the
relationship which has been established between us and of which I
am an agent: What do I say / do in this situation? What effect does
that provoke? How do I react?
Stop doing the usual thing
Does that sound easy? Nonetheless, putting an end to asking,
reproaching, and doing what is logical for us to do requires real effort
and often appears risky: what will happen if I don't ask
any more for what I'm not given? And what to do instead?
An initial stage could consist simply in stopping our habitual
action (sometimes announcing it as a logical step, in view of events)
and observing the effect produced. It's a question of
trying out the "doing less of the same thing."